Faith and Failure

I've been wondering lately, when will I grow up?  I have this pattern in my life of having some success in an area, getting cocky, and then committing blunders that make me wonder whether I had any talent to begin with.  Never fear, though - I have been blessed with enough innate confidence to get up off the mat and repeat this cycle, again and again, in ministry, in my marriage, with my kids and family.  The latest episode happened over the summer, when I found myself in over my head with my workload on the Boston Operations Summer Project.  No, the project didn't go up in flames  - in fact the students experienced God's presence and care for them in some powerful ways - but I did experience several failures, and I questioned my value to the project and in ministry.

I was feeling this acutely as I arrived in Hampton Beach, NH last Wednesday for the annual Ops Retreat that kicks off the fall for us.  As we each shared our "status report" of how we're doing at the start of the fall, I was reminded of a profound spiritual truth by a new mom on our team.  Shelley talked about how hard it is to get up for midnight feedings when she hears her daughters cries, but that once she's holding her daughter, and sees her smile, she not only tolerates but actually delights in those late-night moments together:  "I delight in my daughter's immaturity, even as I want her to grow out of it.  It makes me wonder - in what areas of my spiritual life do I still require midnight feedings?  Perhaps I've been stuck there for years and years!  It's a great reminder that God doesn't just tolerate me in the midst of my immaturity, He actually delights in me.  He wants me to grow up, but He delights in me just the way I am."

Hearing this truth from Shelley helped me to get up off the mat again, ready to go another round in life and ministry.  I'm so thankful to serve the Lord who loves me not because of what I have accomplished, but because I am His child.

Thank you for your prayers and support for us - I pray that you experience God's tremendous love for you this week.