Small but Powerful

     Each morning this week, I've been reading the classic devotional Streams in the Desert.  This morning's reading contained a quote from George Mueller (19th Century preacher) that stopped me in my tracks.

   Someone once asked Mueller the secret of service, to which Mueller replied "There was a day when I died, utterly died to George Mueller - to his opinions, preferences, tastes and will; died to the world, its approval or censure; died to the approval or blame of even my brethren and friends.  Since then I have studied to show myself approved only unto God."

   I found this quote absolutely convicting and totally antithetical to our culture.  And interesting, too, because for me as an American, the dying to self is the biggest challenge, but perhaps for a person from a more collective, honor/shame based culture, the dying to brethren and friends is the struggle.

   I wonder what brought Mueller to this point?  What happened that showed him this step was required?  What a scary, overwhelming, beautiful road.  It looks like seeking what God wants for/from me rather than what I want for me or at least before and above what I want.  

   Some of this kind of life involves simple things:

 - Eating out where others in my family want to eat more often, rather than just thinking about my          preference

- Doing things that Jonathan wants to do that I don't 

- Asking if God wants me to participate in some particular activity or function regardless of how I

   feel about it

   So often I start and end with "What do I want?" and then wonder why God is not using me or why I'm not seeing Him do exciting things through me.  That's not to say my motivation for dying to self should be my own glory.  It's actually just that if I am truly living the life in Christ that we are called to in the New Testament, then my life is really not my own anymore.  I am not genuinely free to make my own choices because I have chosen to become a servant.  As a servant, my first question is always to my master - "What do you have for me today?"  And a good servant does what is asked, not what she feels like doing.  The good news here is that God is a profoundly good, gracious, loving master who knows much more about what we and those around us need than we do.  In reality, He is much more to be trusted with my life than I am and any "freedom" that I might have apart from Him is an illusion anyway.  Such profound truth from such a short quote.  Potentially life-changing, in fact.

   If you'd like to learn more about George Mueller, there's an interesting article on him by John Piper here https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/george-muellers-strategy-for-showing-god.  It's very long and kind of an apologetic for Calvinism in some spots, but still enlightening and interesting.